Sheridan Is Alive; She Was Pulled From the Sea by Fishermen; She Had Already Been Cremated; The Crematory Is a Scam; Luis Is Holding Her Ashes

The body bag. The identification. The funeral. The immediate cremation. The fishing boat. The urn. The Gazette is reporting these events in the order they occurred because the order is the story.

A body was recovered at sea and brought to Bermuda. It was, per Chad, pretty smashed up. Luis unzipped the body bag and was unable to make an identification. A funeral was held. The body was cremated immediately - in the coffin, at the funeral. Luis was handed an urn containing what were understood to be Sheridan Crane's ashes.

Shortly after, Sheridan was pulled alive from the sea by a fishing boat. She is alive. She was never in the urn. The Gazette is retiring its use of the word "presumed" in relation to Sheridan's death and replacing it with "alive."

denjoga · Investigative Theory "Obviously what happened is the crematory is a scam and they dumped Sheridan's body in the bay, where the fishermen found it."

The Gazette endorses denjoga's theory as the most plausible available explanation and notes it is the kind of explanation that in any other jurisdiction would prompt a regulatory investigation of the crematory. The Gazette notes that Bermuda has already this week hosted: a blackout marriage, a bomb plot, a boat sinking, a body bag identification, an immediate funeral, a fraudulent cremation, and a double wedding. The Gazette notes that Bermuda has had a very full week and that its regulatory bodies are presumably overwhelmed.

Luis is in possession of an urn of someone's ashes. The Gazette notes this is an open item and will follow up on whose ashes are in the urn and whether the crematory has any prior incidents on file. This paper is filing a formal enquiry and expects no response.

He's Got a Cake Knife · Weekend Summary

He's Got a Cake Knife Summarises Ethan's Weekend; The Gazette Has Nothing to Add

Hes_Got_a_Cake_Knife · Clip Correspondent · Weekend Assessment "Imagine finding out the man you believed was your father slept with your fiancé while your mother is in the hospital dying from being struck by lightning. Oh, and the only person in your family you like is missing at sea. Tough weekend for Ethan."

The Gazette notes this is accurate, complete, and delivered with appropriate economy.

Julian and Rebecca Are To Be Married; The Wedding Occurred Directly After Sheridan's Funeral Is In Progress; Rebecca Changed Into a Wedding Dress at the Funeral; This Is the Third Unplanned Crane Wedding in Two Issues

The blackmail. The dress. The timing. The Gazette is noting all three and is noting them with a composure it has had to work to maintain.

Rebecca Hotchkiss blackmailed Julian into agreeing to marry her. She then immediately changed into a wedding dress. The wedding was held directly following Sheridan's funeral. The Gazette notes the sequencing - funeral, then wedding, same location, consecutive events - and notes that Rebecca arrived in Bermuda having brought a wedding dress to a funeral, which implies a level of operational pre-planning that this paper considers notable.

Julian and Rebecca are almost married. This is the second Crane-adjacent wedding to take place in Bermuda this trip, the first being Julian and Theresa's accidental chapel marriage. Theresa is still married to Julian. Julian is now about to be married to Rebecca. Whitney has told Julian to get the annulment. Julian is aware of the legal situation. Julian has thanked Whitney for covering for him with Ethan. Whitney clarified she did it for Theresa's sake and not his. The Gazette notes Whitney's clarification as accurate and appropriate.

Julian was caught in a compromising position with a heavily sedated Theresa this week and was, per sources, blubbering when Ethan arrived. The Gazette notes the blubbering and notes it is the correct register for the situation Julian had created. Whitney intervened and stopped Ethan from landing the punch, stating she could explain. Julian froze in horror. The Gazette notes that Julian freezing in horror is a self-aware response that suggests some capacity for self-assessment, which this paper had not previously documented in Julian's character.

Ethan Winthrop · Weekly Assessment

A Note on Ethan's Weekend Specifically

The Gazette has reviewed He's Got a Cake Knife's summary and endorses it in full. The Gazette adds only that Ethan Winthrop has navigated the discovery of his father's conduct, his fiancée's accidental marriage to that father, his mother's lightning strike and surgery, and his sister's funeral within a single weekend, and that he has done so without a working law practice in the jurisdiction he is currently in. The Gazette notes Ethan's resilience and notes it has been tested extensively across twelve issues. It has not yet broken. The Gazette is watching.

Warlock Island · Concluded

Charity Befriends a Tree; The Tree Teaches Her to Find Her Powers; The Kids Are Saved; TC and Hank Arrive and Take All the Credit; Warlock Island Is Concluded

Charity Standish made friends with a tree on Warlock Island this week. The tree, which this paper is identifying as an ent in the tradition of arboreal sentience, taught Charity to look inside her soul and find her powers. Charity used those powers to save the kids from a flood that sources describe as not actually moving very rapidly. The Gazette notes the non-rapid flood as a production observation and notes it does not affect the significance of Charity's action, which was genuine and which the Gazette considers a significant moment in her documented arc. Charity has been to hell, back out of hell, onto a cursed island, into a cave, subjected to warlock manipulation, and dropped on by a 2x4. The tree finding worked. The Gazette notes the tree and thanks it for its service.

Timmy saved Tabitha from the warlocks' tickle torture during this period. The Gazette notes the specific form of the torture and notes it is not consistent with the warlocks' general aesthetic. Timmy and Tabitha had a heartfelt moment afterward. The Gazette notes the moment and files it alongside Timmy's other documented acts of genuine feeling, which now occupy a meaningful portion of this paper's archive.

Norma fought the warlocks for the right to kill Tabitha herself and won. Her axe, Betsy, became stuck in a rock following the warlock battle. Tabitha and Timmy used this window to escape. TC and Hank arrived to save the kids, at which point the kids had already been saved by Charity. TC and Hank took all the credit. They returned to the mainland. The ballad of Warlock Island has concluded.

The Gazette notes that Warlock Island was resolved by: a tree, a doll with a rhyme spell, a missing sceptre, and a woman who had been to hell and back. TC and Hank arrived afterward with credit. The Gazette is noting who did the work and who collected the recognition, and notes this is consistent with a pattern this paper has observed across twelve issues.

Reese Durkee · Accusation Desk · Back in Harmony

Reese Accuses Tabitha of Witchcraft Again; Norma Corroborates; Norma's Father Also Corroborates; Norma's Father Is a Skeleton in a Baby Bjorn; Credibility: Assessed

Upon returning to Harmony, Reese Durkee formally accused Tabitha of witchcraft at the hospital. Norma corroborated his claim. Norma's father also corroborated. Norma's father is a skeleton she carries in a Baby Bjorn. The corroboration of a skeleton carried in a Baby Bjorn raised, per sources, suspicion of Norma's character as a witness. Norma and her father have been shown to a special room at the hospital for assessment. The Gazette notes this as the correct institutional response to a woman presenting a skeleton in a Baby Bjorn as a witness, and notes that Reese's claim remains correct regardless of the quality of his supporting witnesses. Reese is twelve-for-twelve on accurate supernatural assessments. The adults around him remain unconvinced. The Gazette remains convinced.

Harmony Desk · Hospital

Ivy in Surgery; Sam Kisses Her; Grace Witnesses It; David Goads Sam; Eve Goads Sam; Ethan's Weekend Gets Worse

The chapel. The kiss. Grace under fire. David's timing. Eve's prognosis. The Gazette is covering the Harmony hospital situation and notes it is the most emotionally dense location in this paper's current coverage.

Before being wheeled into surgery, Ivy made Sam promise to be there for Ethan. She apologised for the pain she has caused. The Gazette notes this is Ivy's most unambiguous act of accountability in twelve issues of coverage and notes it came while she was afraid she might not survive surgery. The Gazette does not discount the sincerity of apologies made under those conditions. Sam kissed her as she was wheeled out. Grace witnessed the kiss.

Grace walked into the hospital chapel to find Sam praying for Ivy. David observed the scene quietly. Sam told Grace he feels sorry for Ivy despite her mistakes. Grace said David is now a permanent part of their lives. Sam was upset. David subsequently goaded Sam, accusing him of loving Ivy more than Grace. Before Sam could respond physically, Pilar interrupted with the news that Ivy was out of surgery. Sam left. David noted that Sam's concern for Ivy had proved his point. Grace blasted David once Sam was gone. The Gazette notes David's tactics and notes they are the tactics of someone playing a longer game than his documentary evidence currently supports.

Dr. Eve Russell informed Sam that Ivy's recovery depends on him. The Gazette notes this as a significant piece of medical guidance and notes that Grace has noted it too. The Gazette is watching what Sam does with this information and what Grace does with Sam doing it.

CommodoreFriday · Medical Correspondent "Ivy has hypermonologue syndrome and will get a monologuectomy."

The Gazette notes CommodoreFriday's diagnosis and welcomes them as Medical Correspondent on the strength of it. The Gazette cannot independently verify hypermonologue syndrome as a listed condition but notes that the symptom presentation is well documented across Ivy's twelve-issue run in this paper and that a monologuectomy, while presumably not a real procedure, would address the primary complaint.

Grace Bennett · Amnesia Update

Grace Notes Eve Has Observed a New Connection Between Her and David; Grace Assures Eve She Loves Sam; Grace Is Thankful David Can Fill in the Blanks

Grace has stated this week that she loves Sam and that David's value to her is in filling in the blanks of her past rather than replacing her present. The Gazette notes this as the clearest articulation of Grace's position on David that this paper has received and notes that it is a position under active pressure from David's goading, Sam's kiss of Ivy, and Eve's observation of a new connection between Grace and David. The Gazette is not predicting the outcome. It is noting all the vectors.