Fauxuis Unmasked; Real Luis Confronts Fake Luis; Sheridan Exclaims That There Are Two of Them; Julian and Rebecca Hide in a Closet; a Letter Opener Is Produced

The mask. The closet. The fight. The letter opener. The door knob. The twins peaks lady. The Gazette has the full sequence and is prepared to stand behind all of it.

The Twouis operation, which this paper has been tracking since issue five, reached its conclusion this week in a sequence of events that the Gazette is going to recount carefully and in order, because the order matters.

Sheridan found Fake Luis and his hired companion in flagrante. She was disgusted and ran off. Fake Luis subsequently threw the Luis mask out the door. Sheridan returned and did not see it. The Gazette is logging this as a near-miss of significant consequence. She went to the cabin. Julian, Sheridan, and Luis argued about what Sheridan had seen. Luis was understandably confused, as from his perspective he had simply done some work for the mayor and returned to find himself accused of infidelity. The Gazette notes Luis is angry in a way that is entirely justified by the information available to him and considers this one of the more technically correct instances of Luis being upset in this paper's coverage.

Subsequently, Luis, Sheridan, Ethan, and Theresa knocked on the door of the house where Fake Luis and the hired woman were previously located. An old woman answering the door, whom sources have identified as Mrs Tremond of Twin Peaks, answered. The Gazette notes this cameo and files it, The connection and assuption that Twin Peaks WA and Harmony New England are in league. The Tomato Soup Cake is not what it seems.

Julian and Rebecca were in a closet. Julian became caught in his trouser zipper while hiding. The Gazette is reporting this accurately and notes it required no embellishment.

The real Luis arrived. He confronted Fake Luis. Sheridan exclaimed that there are two of them. The Gazette considers this a reasonable response to the discovery that there are two of them. Fake Luis produced a letter opener and attempted to negotiate his escape. He was disarmed quiclky in a rare Louis W. He was thrown into the closet, exposing Julian and Rebecca. Sheridan handcuffed the female accomplice to a door knob. The Gazette notes that this is an unconventional but technically functional restraint method and does not criticise it. Fake Luis is in custody. The operation is over. Julian and Rebecca were in the closet the whole time.

Dr. Acceleron · Theoretical Question of the Week "What would happen if Luis put on the Luis mask?"

The Gazette has considered Dr. Acceleron's question and does not have a satisfactory answer. It has been filed for future investigation. The Gazette notes that Luis, despite being a man of the law with a police badge and a freshly arrested cast of conspirators in the room, did not arrest anyone. He punched Fake Luis instead and a fight ensued. The Gazette does not object to the punch. It notes the arrest was also available as an option.

Deputy F. Packer · Institutional Note

Deputy F. Packer and the Mayor Are in Cahoots With the Cranes; The Harmony Police Department's Record Continues

Deputy F. Packer, operating alongside the Mayor of Harmony, assisted in pulling Julian away from Sheridan at the engagement party and facilitating the Fauxuis gaslighting operation. The Gazette notes Deputy Packer's participation and notes that the Harmony Police Department's documented history of institutional capture by the Crane family has now extended to at least one named deputy and the sitting mayor. The Gazette has been noting the HPD's record since issue one. It continues to note it. The record has not improved. Century Old Navy has red shirts on sale this week. as seen modeled by Hank And Sam
i'm just a red shirt

The Acid Fog: TC Receives a Mandate to Kill Julian From GhostDad; Ivy Plans What to Wear to the Funeral; Tabitha Has Been Running This Scheme for Years

The fog. The visions. The father's voice. The highschool car. The tennis court. The strangling of a stone bust. The Gazette is investigating hallucinogen involvement.

The fog released upon the Crane estate maze this week was not, the Gazette can report, merely atmospheric. It appears to carry hallucinogenic properties. This paper began investigating this possibility and was distracted by some very neat elves. The investigation is ongoing.

The fog's documented effects this week include: TC Russell meeting his deceased father, receiving a paternal mandate to kill Julian Crane, reliving a car crash, and strangling a stone bust in the yard while Sam Bennett watched. Ivy almost jumping from a second-storey window, being saved by Sam, and being caught in that embrace by Grace. Grace finding Eve in the yard and attempting to explain away her vision. Eve experiencing a vision of the day her baby was born and was subsequently taken, and now knowing the truth of it. Charity wandering into a vision of Miguel and Kay which was, per the Gazette's assessment, directionally accurate rather than purely hallucinatory. The Gazette draws a distinction between a fog hallucination and a fog-assisted premonition and considers this a meaningful one.

nayabrownie · On Father Lonigan's Situation "I'm sure that father wishes he was deaf instead"

TC Russell, after strangling the bust, declared his intent to kill Julian to Ivy Crane. Ivy responded that this solved a lot of her problems actually, and began planning what to wear to the funeral. The Gazette notes Ivy's response and considers it one of the more efficient pieces of opportunistic planning documented in this paper's six-issue history. TC subsequently choked a bitch. TC Chokes out Julian Crane The Gazette is watching this situation.

Tabitha and Timmy, watching from their underground hot-tub vision apparatus, noted with apparent satisfaction that the fiendish fog was playing tricks on everyone. Tabitha disclosed that she has been running this fog scheme for years. Timmy was bored by this information. The Gazette is not bored. The Gazette is noting that a documented years-long hallucinogenic fog campaign over the town of Harmony has been operated by one resident against the towns will, from a basement on a hill, and that this has apparently not previously been investigated, reported, or acted upon. The Gazette notes this gap in the record.

Sam and Grace · Resolution Desk

Sam and Grace Spend the Night at the Police Station; Ivy Is Told to Kick Rocks; They Are Renting a House without Tabatha

Grace Bennett walked to the police station to find the right words to say to Sam. She found them. Sam and Grace spent the night together at the station. Ivy was told to kick rocks. Sam and Grace are renting a house and leaving the Lenox residence. The Gazette notes this resolution and notes it took a hallucinogenic fog, a second-storey window incident, a stone bust strangling, and the burning of an entire house to get here, but that it has arrived. The Gazette wishes them well and notes the Lenox attic is now operating at reduced capacity.

Timmy Lenox · Surgery and Soul Desk

Tabitha Briefly a Mouse; Timmy Decapitates Her With a Scimitar While Wearing a Pirate Outfit; Soul Smashed on Church Floor; Kay Immediately Feels Feelings

The Gazette must begin with a correction to its own ongoing reporting. Tabitha was this week played, briefly, by Martha Mouse from Once Upon a Hamster. The Gazette notes the casting development and considers it the most significant mid-episode recast since the arrival of New Simone and New Hank. Martha Mouse brought, per sources, considerable commitment to the role. Timmy eventually produced the correct rhyme-based magic and returned Tabitha to her human witch form. The Gazette notes rhyme-based magic as a new addition to Timmy's documented skill set and considers it a significant development.

Timmy subsequently donned a pirate outfit pirate timmy passionsand, whilst attempting to cut Kay Bennett's soul from Tabitha's neck using a scimitar, accidentally decapitated Tabitha. The Gazette is reporting this accurately. Tabitha's head was separated from her body. i'm just a headTimmy, holding the head, proceeded toward the hospital. Tabitha insisted they return to the house first to collect the rest of her. Her torso, per sources, followed them into the street of its own accord. i'm also just a headThe Gazette notes this as the most logistically complex Tabitha-related development in seven issues of coverage.

Tabitha's torso gave Kay's soul to Timmy. Timmy took the soul and departed alone to, in his words, do some good in the world. He was carrying Tabitha's head at this point. He gave it back. The Gazette notes this in the order it occurred.

Timmy proceeded to the church with Kay's soul. The soul became hot in his hands - too hot for his little gloves. Timmy smashed the soul on the church floor. Simone Russell, who had been struck by a car and covered in newspaper by Timmy and Tabitha in an earlier act of roadside first aid, recovered at this precise moment. Next, A beam of light returned Kay's soul to her body.i'm just a soul Kay Bennett immediately and for the first time in multiple issues 'felt feelings'. The Gazette notes this as a significant moment in Kay's documented arc and poses, without answering, the question carried in the notices bar: can she stay on the straight and narrow, or will she sell it again immediately?

kink_shaman · Historical Comparison "Move over bike_timmy, there is a new Timmy Drop in town"

Timmy feels good about his actions. This paper does too. prior to the soul operation, Timmy packed a bindle and announced he was setting out on his own.i'm just a bindletim He did not make it very far. The Gazette notes this with affection and does not elaborate further.

Comic Desk

i'm just a head
i'm just a head

Breaking · Island Desk

A Mystery Man on an Island Has Been Reading About the Devil's Sinkhole; He Appears to Know Grace; He Has Booked a Trip to Harmony; We Have Not Yet Heard His Name

The magazines. The headline. The booking. Unknown Stranger. The Gazette is filing this as the most significant new development of the issue and intends to stay on it.

A man on an island has been receiving a bundle of American magazines. He has been reading about the events in Harmony. He saw a photograph of Grace Bennett. He appeared to know her. He booked a trip to Harmony. The Gazette does not have his name. On a seprate unknown man note the Gazette notes that the man in Eve Russell's earlier vision - a man in a hat, seen from behind and to the side - matches the partial description Allister Crane. The Gazette is not confirming these are the same person. It is noting that the available evidence does not rule it out.

Back to the Island, The headline the man read was: THE DEVIL'S SINKHOLE. This is how the outside press has characterised the loss of the Bennett house. The Gazette notes that the Harmony Weekly Gazette's own coverage of the Bennett house's destruction, filed in issue five, did not use the words Devil's Sinkhole, and considers its framing the more measured of the two. However, the Gazette acknowledges that Devil's Sinkhole is a better headline and notes this honestly.

A man who recognises Grace Bennett from a magazine photograph and books immediate travel to Harmony is a man with a history connected to Harmony. The Gazette is making no further claims at this time. It is watching the airport arrivals board.

It should further be noted that Alistair Crane arrived this week at Crane Manor - seen from behind his desk, cigar in hand, face not yet shown - to announce he is cleaning up Julian's mess. Alistair and Rebecca, it has been revealed, know each other intimately, albeit not on a first name basis. The Gazette notes the Alistair/Rebecca connection and notes it is the first piece of Alistair characterisation this paper has been able to file that does not involve a murder order. It does not change this paper's assessment of Alistair.

Gwen Hotchkiss · Tabloid Desk

Gwen Makes Nice With the Daily Private Lives Reporter; Has the Information About the Email; Is Holding It Until She Can Be Present for the Reveal

Gwen Hotchkiss befriended the reporter from the Daily Private Lives this week. She has, per sources, information about who sent the email that disclosed Ethan's paternity. She is declining to share it because she wants to be present when it is revealed. The Gazette notes Gwen's strategic patience and notes it is a form of patience this paper has not previously credited her with. Ethan pushed the reporter into the bushes of the hedge maze when he confronted Theresa about the emails. Theresa lied about knowing Sam's paternity but told the truth about not sending the email. The Gazette notes both statements and files them separately.

Tabitha Lenox · Surveillance Report

Tabitha and Timmy Watch the Town From a Hot Tub Vision Apparatus; Timmy Changes the Channel; Timmy and Tabitha Plan to Sabotage the Wedding

Tabitha and Timmy operated Hecuba's vision well this week to monitor events above ground. Timmy functioned as operator and changed channels between couples as needed. When Tabitha turned her attention to sabotaging Theresa and Ethan's wedding, Timmy could not bring himself to watch. The Gazette notes Timmy's ongoing conscience as a documented character feature and notes that it has now directly interfered with Tabitha's operations on multiple occasions. Tabitha is aware of this. She has not resolved it.

Reese Durkee · Soul Science Desk

Charity and Reese Research Soullessness on the Hospital Computer; Confront Kay in the Lobby; Reese Proclaims That Her Tears Have Proven Her Innocence

Charity and Reese used the hospital computer to research soulless people and arrived at the correct conclusion that Kay is soulless. The Gazette notes that this conclusion was accurate at the time of the research, though it has since been resolved. Charity had to convince Reese and Miguel that Kay was soulless. They did not accept it immediately. They eventually came around and confronted Kay in the hospital lobby, citing the evidence. Kay was unable to explain herself satisfactorily.

Reese then staked a defence of Kay. When Kay cried, Reese addressed the group.

Reese Durkee, on the subject of Kay Bennett's tears: "HER TEARS HAVE PROVEN HER INNOCENCE."

The Gazette notes that tears do not, as a matter of evidentiary science, prove innocence, and that Reese - who has hacked the Vatican, identified a witch, survived a lion, and correctly attributed Harmony's troubles to Tabitha - has in this instance applied a lower evidential standard than his usual work warrants. The Gazette files this as Reese's first documented analytical error in seven issues and notes it with something approaching fondness. Father Lonigan guided Charity to pray for Kay rather than expose her.

Arts Desk

"Siegfried and Ross": Tabitha Turns a Cat Into a Lion to Keep Reese Occupied; A Cat Emerges; Reese Considers His Options

Tabitha, monitoring Reese via the vision well and noting he is a threat to her operations, turned a cat into a lion to keep him occupied. The lion engaged Reese briefly. When Reese recounted the encounter to Jessica, a regular cat emerged from the bushes. Reese, standing before an ordinary cat having described a lion, considered whether he needs medication or new glasses.

vjpcat · Arts Correspondent "Siegfried and Ross"

The Gazette endorses vjpcat's framing and notes it as the most economical possible description of the scene. Jessica, for her part, briefly joined Reese's investigation and then tired of his bullshit and lurking in bushes and returned to the party. The Gazette notes her decision as reasonable.

After the Maze · Book Café

Miguel Insists Charity Was Fog-Hallucinating About the Kay Kiss; Kay Convinces Miguel to Stay the Night; Miguel Is, Many Viewers Are Saying, Pretty Gullible

After the party, Timmy, Tabitha, Kay, Simone, Miguel, and Charity gathered at the Book Café. Miguel told Charity that what she saw in the maze was a fog hallucination and that he had not kissed Kay. The Gazette notes that this was, on the available evidence, partially accurate and partially not. Kay subsequently convinced Miguel to stay the night with her. Viewer consensus characterised this as emotional manipulation. The Gazette notes the consensus and notes that Miguel is, by multiple viewer accounts, pretty gullible. The Gazette does not dispute this characterisation.

Charity woke to find Miguel in bed with Kay. She told them that Simone was in trouble - she had had a vision of Simone in headlights. Timmy and Tabitha located Simone in the street and moved her out of the path of an oncoming vehicle. They covered her with newspaper in case she got cold. The Gazette notes the newspaper as a thoughtful if unconventional first aid choice and declines to criticise it. Simone was subsequently located by the other kids and brought to hospital. She has recovered, per earlier coverage of the soul-smashing event, at the moment the soul was returned.

he's got a cake knife · Summary of Record

Weekly Summary From He's Got a Cake Knife: "So Much Happened Today"

he's got a cake knife · Viewer of Record "Resolution in the Haunted Maze, Acid Fog making people act crazy, Charity's wild ass visions, The Timmy Drop, Faux-is unmasked and Luis going psycho mode, Simone getting hit by a car (and covered with newspapers), and now Tabitha is beheaded. This has been an action-packed marathon."

The Gazette endorses this summary as accurate, comprehensive, and correctly sequenced. He's Got a Cake Knife has also been leading the charge in capturing clips and submiting them for drops and the Gazette is considering a huge W for the community. But He's By no means alone it the quest to clip the best moments of passions. Peacandloveinca, Yo_its_Caitlin, BWB, 3LL3, RustyFord, Tacodog40k and more all contributed some excellent clips today.