Bermuda Desk · Boat Explosion

It Was Luis and Sheridan's Boat; Luis Survived; He Dived Back In; He Was Pulled Out by Fishermen; He Dived Back In Again; Sheridan Is Presumed Dead

The boat that exploded at the close of issue nine was, the Gazette can now confirm, the boat carrying Luis and Sheridan on their pre-honeymoon honeymoon. Luis survived the explosion. He was searching for Sheridan in the wreckage when rescued by a fishing boat. He immediately dove back in. He was pulled back in by the fishermen. He was brought to shore on a stretcher. Sheridan Crane is presumed dead. Louis is back up and at it, he has assembled the men of harmony in bermuda in what this paper had dub'd " The Hamrony Avengers of Bermuda For The Rescue of Sheridan Crane" The name is not final.

The Gazette is not using the word dead without the word presumed attached to it. This paper has covered Harmony for ten issues. It has documented a hell portal, two descents into unconsciousness with no pulse, a burial, a decapitation, and a bout of being a white rat. The Gazette notes that Sheridan is presumed dead and reserves the right to update this characterisation.

milarepa62 · Proposed Solution "We need mermaids."

The Gazette notes milarepa62's proposal and considers it, in the context of Harmony's established supernatural infrastructure, a more realistic intervention than it would be in most towns. The Gazette does not confirm or deny the existence of mermaids in the Harmony universe at this time but notes the suggestion has been filed.

Bermuda Desk · Domestic Situation

Ethan Arrives and Proposes to Theresa; Theresa Is Already Married to His Father; Julian Advises Her to Say Yes and Annul Later; It Is Revealed That Julian and Theresa Performed Coitus; Whitney Tells Her to Tell the Truth

Ethan Winthrop arrived in Bermuda with Smashmouth fans and possible siblings, Chad And Whitney. He proposed to Theresa on the spot, determined to marry her before the storm rolls in. He was not aware that Theresa had married his father the previous evening at a 24-hour chapel during a champagne blackout. Julian was present and advised Theresa to accept the proposal, proceed with the Ethan wedding, and seek an annulment of their marriage afterwards. The Gazette notes Julian's advice and notes it is the advice of a man trying to prevent his son from learning that Julian got Theresa drunk and married her, which this paper does not consider a disinterested position.

It has also been confirmed this issue that Julian and Theresa performed coitus during the blackout evening. The Gazette is reporting this accurately and notes it is relevant to the annulment question, as coital consummation affects the procedural grounds available. The Gazette notes this is above its usual editorial register but the facts are the facts.

Whitney told Theresa to tell Ethan the truth. The Gazette endorses Whitney's position and notes it is the correct one. Whether Theresa follows this advice before or after the storm arrives is, at time of press, unknown.

Harmony Desk · David Hastings

Father Mike Did Not Marry David and Grace; He Was the Priest at the Hartford Church; He Also Loves Lobster; He Confirms: No Wedding

Father Mike, a new character and alleged officiant at the Hartford church where David claims he and Grace were married, has been contacted by Sam and Hank. Father Mike confirmed that he did not marry David and Grace. He loves lobster, inquired at length about Harmony's Lobster offerings. The Gazette notes the lobster detail as a character flourish and notes that it does not affect the substance of his testimony, which is that the marriage David has been insisting upon for multiple issues did not, per the man who would have performed it, take place.

The Gazette notes that David has produced documentation, passed a lie detector, and convinced Sam to relent - only for the alleged officiating priest to now deny the ceremony occurred. The Gazette is updating its assessment of David Hastings accordingly. David may be lying. David may have been lied to. The priest may be lying. The Gazette is not in a position to determine which of these is true but notes that the marriage claim is now materially weaker than it was last issue and that Grace's ongoing consideration of it as a possible way out of her situation with Sam deserves to be weighed against this new development.

Sam Bennett and Hank · Construction Desk

Sam and Hank Are Rebuilding the House Themselves

Sam Bennett and Hank are rebuilding the Bennett house by hand. The Gazette notes this is the correct response to a house sinking into the earth and considers it a meaningful act of continuity. The Gazette also notes that two men rebuilding a house by themselves while one of them is simultaneously managing a potential bigamy situation, a lying husband claimant, a supernatural estrangement from his wife is a significant workload. Sam is managing it. Hank is helping. The Gazette respects both of them shirts or not.

Warlock Island · Field Desk

Kay Sabotages the Rescue Fire to Make Love to Miguel; Norma's Hatchet Is Named Betsy; The Warlocks Appear to Charity in Flames; Ross Is Looking for Wi-Fi; Timmy Is Tied to a Tree

On Warlock Island, the stranded party attempted to build a signal fire. Kay Bennett sabotaged the fire so that she could make love to Miguel. The Gazette notes that Kay sabotaged a rescue fire - a fire whose purpose was to get everyone off a cursed island where a hatchet-wielding woman is hunting a witch and a doll - in order to further her romantic objectives. The Gazette notes Kay's soul was returned to her body three issues ago and is watching to see what she does with it. The Gazette considers this data.

Norma has been revealed to be operating with a named hatchet. Its name is Betsy. The Gazette files this under significant character details and notes that naming a weapon is a meaningful act of relationship-building that this paper will bear in mind when assessing Norma's overall threat posture. Norma has been unusually pleasant to the children this week. Norma dug a hole, covered it with leaves and branches, and tied Timmy to a tree just beyond it. The Gazette notes the pleasantness and the hole are not in contradiction.

MazerDeco · Warlock Island Hacker Rankings "Ross is the best hacker on the show, while Norma is the absolute worst hacker."

The Gazette endorses MazerDeco's assessment. Reese is attempting to find an internet connection on a remote island following a boat fire. The Gazette considers this consistent with Reese's documented character and notes that if anyone on that island is going to find Wi-Fi, it is Reese. The warlocks have appeared to Charity in the flames of the bonfire and are beckoning her toward them. The Gazette is noting this as an active supernatural situation and considers Charity's position on a island specifically named after warlocks to be one of the more precarious documented this week.

Plot Status Board · Abbreviated

Where Things Stand

Sheridan · Presumed dead. The Gazette is not using the word dead without the word presumed. Boat exploded. Luis on a stretcher. Mermaids: requested but unconfirmed.

Luis · Alive. On shore. On a stretcher. Had to be physically restrained from going back in. The Gazette considers this consistent with documented character.

Theresa · Married to Julian. Coitus confirmed. Ethan has just proposed. Julian says say DO IT and annul it later. Whitney says tell the truth. The Gazette sides with Whitney.

Ethan · Has proposed. Does not know. A storm is rolling in. Bermuda is extremely busy this week.

David Hastings · Father Mike did not marry him and Grace. David's claim: weakening. David's character: now in question. Grace's consideration of him as a way out: complicated.

Father Mike · Did not perform the wedding. Loves lobster. New character. Strong start.

Betsy · Norma's hatchet. Named. Filed.

Reese · Looking for Wi-Fi on a burning island. The Gazette believes in him.

Timmy · Tied to a tree. Beyond a covered pit trap. Norma's work. Situation: active.

Charity · Warlocks appearing to her in fire. Beckoning. The island was named after warlocks for a reason.

Kay's soul · Still returned. Still being used to sabotage rescue operations in pursuit of Miguel. The Gazette has noted this and is continuing to note it.

Sam and Hank · Rebuilding the house by hand. Respect noted. Workload: immense.

The Gazette · Self-Assessment

A Short Stream. A Full Issue. The Gazette Notes This Was Plenty.

This was a short stream. The Gazette produced a full issue regardless. This paper notes that the volume of significant events per minute of Passions is, at this point in coverage, high enough that a short stream produces more than sufficient material for a complete issue. The Gazette does not consider this a short issue. The Gazette considers it an appropriately sized issue for the events covered. The Gazette is going to go lie down now.