Theresa Retains Rhyming Attorney Woodie Stumper; Wins Court Battle Despite Bought Judge; Kicks Ivy and Rebecca Out; Evil Eyes Follow Her
The courtroom. The poetry. The eviction. The tail. The Gazette notes that Theresa's legal and medical files require their own dedicated filing cabinets.
Theresa sought legal counsel this week from a new attorney in town, Woodie Stumper. 
Stumper is a rhyming attorney, meaning he communicates in verse, and is good at getting the purse. He faced off against Ethan, who represented Ivy. Alistair Crane contributed by way of bankrolling the judge. Theresa and Stumper won anyway. The Gazette notes that overcoming a bought judge with poetry, poverty and pregnancy, is a significant legal victory and a terrible precedent for the Harmony judicial system.
Upon winning, Theresa immediately evicted Ivy and Rebecca from the Crane mansion. 
Rebecca suggested pushing Theresa down the stairs. Meanwhile, an evil presence has surfaced in the Book Café and evil eyes are following Theresa around Harmony because she stated she would trick Julian at the last stage of his plan. Luis currently suspects Theresa of murdering Julian.
In medical news, Theresa underwent an ultrasound. The doctor found a tail. The Gazette notes that the appearance of a tail on a fetal ultrasound constitutes a significant shift in prenatal care protocols and files it under demonic complications resulting from hell contracts.
tacodog40k · Meta Commentary
"i love that we can't blame AI for this story"
A Special Lobster Sends Luis and Beth to Bermuda; Mortician Convention Forces Room Sharing; Masquerade Tango Ensues
The explosion. The lobster. The convention. The masks. The Gazette notes this convergence is mathematically improbable.
At Liz's café, Diana (Sheridan) survived a kitchen gas explosion and was revived via CPR by the Pooka doctor. Brian and Diana planned a trip to Bermuda, making Liz jealous.
Simultaneously in Harmony, Luis and Beth dined at the Lobster Shack with Hank and his new blonde acquaintance, Maddie. The waiter announced a contest: find the special lobster, win a trip to Bermuda. Luis found the special lobster. He invited Beth. Before leaving, Luis discovered the dock heart he carved with Sheridan had been destroyed by nighttime renovations.
Luis, Beth, Brian, and Sheridan arrived in Bermuda during a mortician convention, forcing them to share rooms next to each other. Brian and Beth connected; Brian compelled her to keep it secret. Diana developed a cough.
Cristo____II · On Discoveries
"oh its beth"
At a local masquerade, Luis, Brian, and Beth attended. Diana secretly attended despite her cold. Luis and Diana danced the tango in masks, entirely unaware of each other's true identities, about to unmask as the stream concluded. A long, drawn-out dream sequence also occurred resolving Luis and Sheridan's issues, but the Gazette does not speculate on dreams. We deal in special lobsters.
Demonic Escalation Desk
Timmy Hits the Road; Zombie Charity Develops Demon Hands; Kay Commits Arson to Stop Consummation
mazerdeco · Real Boy Assessment
"Now that Timmy is real, his Hamburger Helper mittens are free to compete their grim work."
Timmy utilized the magic scroll to open a one-sided communication channel with the real Charity,
Zombie Charity discovered this. She is angry and reportedly drunk on Martimmies making potato dolls in the attic.
P_Chops · Substance Analysis
"smokin on that shit that made Charity Standish."
Timmy attempted to use the book of spells to get rid of Zombie, but Tabitha intervened—killing Zombie Charity will kill the real Charity. The scroll revealed Timmy and Tabitha will die if the book isn't hidden well enough. Timmy ran away to find a special ingredient, hitchhiking until picked up by Tanya, 
a psychologist. Upon hearing Timmy's entirely accurate account of recent events, Tanya immediately kicked him out of her vehicle.
Zombie Charity cast a spell sending a bird, Mordred, to kill Timmy. Tabitha provided cell phone support. Timmy escaped into a bathroom and neutralized the bird by wrapping toilet paper around its beak. Tabitha attacked the bird upon its return.
rustyford · Theology Desk
"Faith is back, she took the form of Arson"
The Gazette’s economic desk has spent considerable time this week auditing the fiscal philosophy of Pilar Lopez-Fitzgerald, a philosophy that has proven to be as structurally complex as it is practically inconvenient.
Having lost her home to an arson fire—set specifically to prevent a blood-magic construct of her son's zombie love interest from consummating a relationship on the premises—Pilar found her family unhoused. Theresa, who recently secured control of the Crane fortune via a combative combination of voided annulments, fetal tail manifestations, and a court victory orchestrated by a rhyming attorney, like a boss, offered to put her family up in a hotel.
Pilar refused, stating definitively that "Crane money is evil."
The Gazette notes that Pilar has been the head housekeeper for the Crane family for decades. By the Gazette’s most conservative estimates, every loaf of bread, pair of shoes, and roof shingle the Lopez-Fitzgerald family has consumed or utilized since the late 1980s was purchased using a paycheck signed by a Crane.
The Gazette is therefore forced to analyze the specific mechanics of Pilar’s moral accounting. It appears Pilar operates under a highly specific theory of metaphysical money laundering. In this framework, Crane money—which is inherently evil and generated through centuries of documented malice, corporate malfeasance, and occasional demonic pacts—is completely purified of its dark energy the moment it is exchanged for domestic labor. Once Pilar scrubs a Crane toilet, the corresponding funds are ethically neutralized and safe for Lopez-Fitzgerald consumption.
Theresa’s money, however, was acquired through hostile marital takeover and hell-contract negotiations. Because it bypassed the purifying filter of physical labor, it retains its base level of Crane Evil, rendering it entirely unfit to pay for a Harmony Marriott double-queen.
The Gazette notes the starkness of this boundary. Pilar is entirely comfortable collecting a bi-weekly salary from a family that actively plots to murder her children, but she draws a hard line at accepting a comped hotel room from her own daughter, who simply outmaneuvered that same family in a court of law.
The Gazette notes that this is a highly principled stance. The Gazette also notes that the Lopez-Fitzgerald family is currently sleeping in the ashes of an arson fire, and suggests that Pilar’s economic principles, while admirable, have terrible timing. 
Finally, Zombie Charity's hands are turning into demonic appendages. Chatters are referring to her as "lil miss ugly hands."
