Ethan Reels, Then Rises, After Crane Paternity Blow
Sources say the delivery was cold, the wound deep, yet the young man found unexpected grace under fire before the evening was out.
Julian Crane, disgraced patriarch of Harmony's ruling dynasty, informed Ethan in no uncertain terms this week that he is not, and has never been, his biological father. By all accounts Julian handled the disclosure with the emotional depth of a man reading a gas bill, leaving Ethan to absorb the blow entirely on his own terms.
Witnesses describe the scene that followed as surprisingly well acted and quite emotional, a rare moment of genuine feeling breaking through the marble facade of Crane Manor.
"He needed more from the man who raised him. He did not get it."
Rebecca Crotchkiss, who invited the press corps amid the gathered parents, older children, Theresa, and Ethan himself to a lavish soiree at the Crane mansion, ensured the revelation had maximum audience. The evening concluded with Ethan in visible distress, flailing with impotent rage, before he collected himself and, in a moment that struck onlookers as genuinely kind, turned to Theresa to let her know he simply needed time to work through what he had learned. Just a dumb man trying to find his dumb footing.
The identity of Ethan's true father remains, at press time, Sam Bennett, Also Grace fell down the stairs after experencing Symptoms of Pregnancy
Priest Dispatched to Bennett Home as Closet Portal Crisis Deepens
Charity Standish reported 'trapped in hell.' Father Lonigan arrives with holy water and steely resolve.
The supernatural situation at the Bennett household has escalated to a level that has prompted the arrival of Irish priest Father Lonigan, who was observed on the premises throwing holy water at a mirror in a bid to recover the missing Charity.
To recap the sequence of events for readers who have been out of town: Reese constructed a ghost containment unit and used it to capture the demon Hecuba. Kay, however, intervened and freed Hecuba before the containment could hold. In a development that has baffled this reporter, Kay then assisted Hecuba in opening a portal to hell, located, sources confirm, inside a closet in Kay's room, into which Charity subsequently disappeared.
Kay's Motives Remain Hornt; Bennett Family Unavailable for Comment
The priest continues his work. Updates to follow as the mirror situation develops.
Paranormal Correspondent · -OnlineVCR
Arts, Travel & Attempted Murder
Timmy & Tabitha Survive Book Tour, Axe Attack, and One Very Suspicious Motel
The unlikely duo travelled via air and overhead compartment to attend the launch of their book Hidden Passions , which this correspondent understands moved approximately three copies on the eBay secondary market on the day of release alone, before retiring to a roadside motel whose proprietress bore a striking resemblance to one Norma Bates.
Timmy had rented Psycho on VHS for the evening's entertainment. He did not get to watch it. Norma produced an axe.
"It was the strawberry shampoo. Not blood. Honestly."
In what this paper can only describe as an elaborate gaslight by Passions writers, actors, and staff, the axe made contact not with Tabitha but with her bottle of strawberry shampoo. What went down the drain was shampoo. Any viewer who concluded otherwise is invited to reflect on their critical reasoning skills. Tabitha slipped, struck her head, and recovered fully.
The pair were photographed at the airport during their escape disguised as a nun and a rabbi respectively, sources close to the matter are reporting they caught the first available flight back to Harmony and are currently entertaing Hecuba who may or may not be related to tabatha.
Chad Update
Chad Inches Toward the Truth; Does Not Quite Arrive
Chad is, by all observable evidence, extremely close to putting the whole picture together. He has not yet done so. Our correspondent admits to having spent portions of the relevant scenes on other tasks, such as coding a news ticker.
